now listening to Farhana tell me how her dad died/that night's events.

or rather reading it over msn.

so far i have never seen anybody die before.

came close to it twice, once when i was a little kid, my aunty Maria died.

we were at grandpa's place, i was playing with her daughter in the first bedroom. she was in the master bedroom. i can only remember my mom coming out, then telling us that she's dead.

my mom told us something about aunty Maria seeing 4 doors, blinking when my mom told her to close her mouth, and other forms of disorientation.

second time a relative of mine died was this year, may 8.

my guma died at about 2pm plus.

i juz reached home, when her family called, saying she's very disoriented and dying. we were juz about to go over when they called again, saying she juz died.

again, both times i did not know how to react. cuz i was sort of EXPECTING them to die, juz not like, then.

a recent night ago, i ate some of my kor's prawn crackers. then suddenly remembered the wonderful taste and texture of my guma's. those she made were the best. not too hard, yet not too soft. not oily, light tasting, yet a lot of flavouring from the prawn.

she made the world's best prawn crackers. i'll never forget the taste. still looking for a similar one..

anyway, death ain't scary. it's not really shocking either.

i'm not uncompassionate, but i juz didn't feel sad that they're gone.

i shed tears when my guma was in hospital, lying on the bed, etc, but not when she died.

death is kinda boring. there juz ain't nothing much to talk about.

anyway, i wanted to start on my o-level revision, but right now i have no motivation whatsoever.

wanted to start doing notes in a book, summarising all the chapters, what i need to know etc, but now i juz feel like watching Forbidden City Cop. 'cept that it's in dual sound and i can't figure out how to change it.. =[

Fieary. 13/09/09.

this time i got the year correct.

14:10
when will my dreams be fulfilled??